Driver license nightmare

My driver license expired on my birthday a few weeks ago. Usually, this isn’t newsworthy, it just means having to spend a few hours at the DMV dealing with entirely competent and friendly government employees.

Trying to minimize the hassle, I went online the night of my birthday to prepare all the documents and applications I would need when going in to get my license renewed the next day. The DMV was closed for a holiday on my birthday, so the next day would have to do. I felt prepared and confident when I walked in the doors of the Utah Department of Transportation (UDOT) driver license division building.

I patiently waited my turn, and when my number was called I pleasantly walked up to the counter to get a shiny new license. Jereme (pronounced like Jeremy) was a nice-enough lady who seemed to do her job pretty well. She inspected all my documentation, got it scanned into the computer, and signed and initialed in what seemed to be the right spots on the application. Things seemed to be going well.

Then, as I’m thinking she’s about to print me off a new license, she asks me, “Does this address mean anything to you?” followed by an address which clearly does not mean anything to me.

“Nope,” I reply.

“Ever been to Pennsylvania?” she asked.

“Uhh, I think we drove through it once during a family road trip. But, I’ve never lived there, ” I explained.

“Never had a driver license there?” she asked.

“Nope, just from Alaska,” I said, “which I noted right there on the application.”

“You wouldn’t lie to me would you?”

Oh boy. At this point I could tell things were not going very well. Jereme explained that there was a national database that contained a name match and a birthday match. It was a record from the state of Pennsylvania, and the protocol directed her to not issue the license until that record could be cleared up.

I started by politely asking to see a supervisor, explaining that Johnson is a very common name, asking if the record had a SSN, a picture, an ethnicity, a living relative, any other kind of data that would prove that I wasn’t the same guy in Pennsylvania to with some kind of record. After about a half hour of pleading my case to Jereme and her supervisor, I was told there wasn’t anything they could do, and I had to take up the matter with the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation (PennDOT).

Fantastic. Just what I want to do.

So, I left the building (under my own power, I hadn’t quite reached the level of craziness where I needed to be escorted out) and called PennDOT while on the road. Yes, technically I was driving without a license. I spent much of the commute navigating through Pennsylvania’s phone menu maze. They must have designed it incorrectly, because I was able to get an actual person on the line after only about 45 minutes.

The PennDOT representative was actually a pretty helpful guy. He apologized for the inconvenience and told me to write a letter, addressed to the NVR Unit asking to clear my name against the record in the national database. He told me I had to provide a copy of my birth certificate, social security card, and two bills to my home address to establish residency. I couldn’t help but notice that those are the same documents that I had presented to UDOT. Government isn’t exactly a model of efficiency.

The PennDOT guy also gave me a helpful tip. He said that I should make a copy of the letter they send back to me, because this would probably come up again. Perfect. Thanks for ruining my life.

So, I went to work and wrote out the following letter to PennDOT (edited to remove some personal data):

NVR Unit
Pennsylvania Department of Transportation
1101 S. Front Street
3rd Floor
PO Box 68679
Harrisburg, PA 17104

Dear NVR Unit:

I recently was denied a driver’s license renewal in the state of Utah due to a record in the national database from the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation. Apparently the problem is that there is another person with whom I share a full name (it’s a great name), and birth date (##/##/####).

However, I can assure you that just because I share a name and birth date with another person, I am assuredly not the person referred to in the entry in the national database.

As proof of that, I have enclosed the following documentation as directed by a fine representative of PennDOT:

1. Copy of my birth certificate
2. Copy of my Social Security card
3. Two copies of proof of residency

I hope this documentation will clear me of any wrongdoing against PennDOT and the great state of Pennsylvania. I have visited your fine state, but only as a 10-year-old en route from visiting my grandfather in West Virginia. Surely, I couldn’t have offended during my one day visit as a youth (even though I was admittedly a little rambunctious).

I would appreciate an official letter clearing me of any wrongdoing in your state. I’m happy to provide additional details to clear my good name if necessary. Please feel free to call or email me if you have any questions as I would like to get this resolved as quickly as possible.

Sincerely,

Seth Johnson

I mailed the letter (they couldn’t accept a fax or PDF through email — yay government!) with all of the supporting documentation and now eagerly await a response from the state of Pennsylvania.

I should also point out that during this time, I’m apparently driving without a license. If I get pulled over and ticketed I may need a really good lawyer because I’m liable to go absolutely nuts on the police officer and will likely end up in jail.

Stay tuned for part 2 of the nightmare.