Driver license nightmare (part 2)

Note from Seth: This is a continuation of my earlier post. Make sure you’ve read part 1 of my driver license nightmare so you’ll understand just what I’ve been dealing with.

The morning of the 17th I got a phone call from Lucille at PennDOT. You know how sometimes you can picture the person at the other end of the line just by his or her voice? Well, let me just say that Lucille sounded like just the person for a DMV job. Our conversation went something like this:

Lucille: You know that letter you sent in? Well I can’t find a record in our system from that, and I’m about to go to lunch.

Me: Well, that seems strange… it’s unlikely the matter got cleared up in just a few days, isn’t it?

Lucille: Yeah, that don’t seem right, but I can’t find the record.

Since it’s obvious that she doesn’t know how to search in her own system, I spend a few minutes suggesting other searches she could try. Just the birthday. Last name and birthday.

Lucille: Yeah, yeah, I tried all that. Did Utah give you a number so I can look this up?

Me: No, all Utah said was that it was a name match and a birthday match.

Lucille: Well can you call Utah and get a number for me so I can look this up? You can call me back, but I’m gonna be on lunch for a while.

Me: Uhh, sure, I guess I could try to get a number from Utah. Do you have a direct number I can reach you at?

Lucille: No, just call this number. But I’ll be at lunch for a while, remember? I don’t take phone calls during my lunch.

Me: So will this go to your voicemail?

Lucille: I don’t have no voicemail, and I’ll probably be at lunch, so somebody else will probably answer. Just give them a message with the number and then I can find this in the system.

Me: OK, I guess I can give that a try. Hope you enjoy your lunch.

Well at least I know that PennDOT has the documentation I sent in and the wheels of justice are rolling ahead. I get the number for the UDOT driver license division and give it a call. After only about 10 minutes (I’m getting better at navigating those phone menus) I get a lady on the phone who is equally as unqualified to do her job as Lucille was. I didn’t catch her name, but really wish I would have. Here is how that conversation went:

I explain the situation, and that PennDOT needs a record number of some kind from this national naughty list.

Lady: (tersely) Give me your social security number.

Me: OK, its ###-##-####

Lady:Yes, the record still exists in our system. It’s a match on the first and last name and the birth date.

Me: Not the middle name?

Lady: No, the first and last name and the birth date.

Me: OK, well is there some kind of number on the record I can give to PennDOT so they can see the same record you’re referring to?

Lady: Yes, there is a number on the record.

Me: Great, so can you give it to me so I can give this to PennDOT?

Lady: No. I’m not allowed to give out that information.

Me: OK…

Me: Then can you call Lucille at PennDOT and give the number directly to her?

Lady: No. I’m not allowed to make outbound phone calls.

At this point, I just start chuckling. I probably said a few not-so-nice things about the system, bureaucracy, and stupidity, but I didn’t totally lose it.

Me: I’m not trying to be a jerk about this, but hopefully you can appreciate my predicament. UDOT won’t issue me a license until my name is cleared. PennDOT can’t clear my name without a number. You can’t give me a number because it’s against policy and also can’t make a simple phone call. So, I’m asking you, what am I supposed to do?

When I ask this sincere question, I get nothing in return. UDOT lady is silent for at least 20 seconds. Totally silent.

Me: Really? Really? This is your response?

At this point I said several more not-so-nice things about government stupidity, and I had clearly lost it. She stayed silent.

I eventually composed myself and was able to apologize and continue on with my questions.

Me: Since it’s obviously impossible to get this resolved, what is the statue of limitations on this stupid DMV record from Pennsylvania? How long will I have to wait it out?

Lady: It’s in the system forever. It doesn’t just go away.

Me: Seriously? Forever?

Lady: But the good news is that once you get it cleared up it will go away forever too.

Me: But we can’t get it resolved because they need a number that you can’t provide and you can’t call them.

Lady: Well maybe she could call us.

Me: Lucille is at lunch.

I called PennDOT back, eventually got to talk to a real person, started telling my story and got cut-off mid sentence with “Hold please.” I hung up and called back.

This time I got a different person who said she’d pass the message along to Lucille, who was still out at lunch.

Stay tuned for part 3 of the nightmare (I’m going to try to record the phone calls this time).